Sometimes, I wonder


Sometimes, I wonder why I do what I do.
I wonder, if every task that bears my name,
Is worth the sacrifices that I make.

Sometimes, I wonder why people are the way they are.
Did God made them the way they are,
Or if their experiences have made them the individuals that they are.

Sometimes, I wonder how some like myself,
Can survive in a world filled with evil ways.
I wonder,  what  the powers above believed my role to be, when they sent me down here to be.

Sometimes, I wonder why all living being can’t get along.
Why, men fight over everything  big or small,
In a manner that makes no difference from the apes they evolved from.

Sometimes, I wonder if the earth would hit the sun,
Putting an end to what we have become.
I wonder, if the teachers and leaders we have left,
Can actually save the dark souls that we have become.

I wonder.

Sometimes, I wonder.

A Note To Myself from Myself


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Another year has arrived and much like other years in the past decade you haven’t made any resolutions. Nothing wrong with that, but this year, how about aspiring to do the things that feed your soul? Discover yourself, stop and smell the flowers, keep CALM and carry on with an emphasis on CALM ….

Sigh! Here you go again, focusing on all the things that could get in the way of this journey…

Always the (over)thinker!! Anyways, how about you stop thinking and start acting and see where that might take you?

Stop laughing- I can hear your thoughts! Now, get going…really… move!

#feedyoursoul #mytheme2017 #BarWoWe

Word Prompts: Aspire, Always, Anyway, Arrive. Thank You #Blogarhythm

 

How to find a Husband!


“Finding a husband is not a joke, you know!! You simply cannot take the process lightly!”, chided my cousin, Urmi.

“You are 27. Why is it so hard for your parents to find a guy for you? Don’t you know somebody in your circle of friends? You should find a guy, get married and have your first child before you turn 30. Only then, can you have baby number 2 by 32,  leaving a perfect age gap between the kids”

I was still reeling from this unexpected barrage of questions and wisdom while Urmi continued…

“Take a cue from my daughter, Anita – she is in college now, but she has it all sorted out. She wants to be married by the time she is your age and plans to have her first kid before she turns 30!”

Now, I  was berating my choice to spend the weekend with Urmi. But, I was in a new place and had no immediate family around me. My closest connection to home was my aunt’s daughter Urmi. My aunt was a “Ms. Know It All herself”, but I had not expected Urmi to be worse! She had been the cool older cousin when I was growing up. It seemed like things had changed and nobody had sent me the memo!

“Why are Indians so obsessed with getting married?”, I retorted bravely, surprised at the tone of my own voice. I had never been accosted about my single status before and did not have a strategy to handle such confrontations. Yes, I was taking my time to “settle down” but I had never felt the need to explain my choices to anyone.

“Now, you are just being naive!”, she responded. “Tell me, what do you expect in a husband?”

“Excuse me?”, I responded, not sure about response she expected.

“I mean, do you want someone from India or abroad? What are the acceptable locations in India? What are the educational qualifications you expect? Caste? etc., We should draw up a chart with the various qualities that you expect in a husband and then group these based on the priority of these qualities and attack them accordingly”

“Huh?”, was all I could say.

“For example, if location and qualification are important and you are interested in men within the age group of 27-30, we should look for contacts in that location and then check with them if they know of any potential grooms with that particular qualification within the age group we are looking for… and that’s just scratching the surface.We should treat this as a project!”, she finished and looked pleased with herself.

“Well, I don’t exactly have the luxury of time for this project!”, I retorted wondering how her brain had worked this fast in coming up with a plan like that. “In case you didn’t notice I have a full-time job that consumes a major chunk of my time”

“How else do you expect to find a guy?”, she demanded.

“Well, maybe I will go with my heart!”, I declared, putting a temporary end to our conversation that night.

 

 

Also linking to  Writing Wednesdays hosted by Write Tribe

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Image Courtesy: Write Tribe

Of Being an Imposter, Stopping to Care and Starting to Write!


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Image Courtesy: Write Tribe

Late last night, I read this interesting post about insecure writers or rather writers that suffer from an imposter syndrome. I realized that this definitely ailed me and  that I was guilty of everything mentioned on the list! In fact, even as I write this I suffer from the said disease! The only difference is that these days I am trying my best to get over it and let me tell you it is the most difficult thing to do considering that even as I write this I wonder what the other “better” writers would think of my work?

It is funny because I did manage to get published as a part of an anthology. That time, a panel that had no idea about me had decided that I had a story to tell and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Those who read the story appreciated it. One of them even told me that it had a good plot and a wonderful twist while another appreciated the suspense element till the end of the story. Such feedback was music to my ears! But I could not shrug off that annoying voice that questioned me if I could do it again! Could I really tell a story? Also these days everyone is a writer, so how could I dare to infiltrate that sacred space?

It was around this time that I also read about the Insecure Writers Support Group and discovered that I was not alone when it came to having doubts about one’s writing. I also wondered what made us this way? For me, it is the fear of rejection, the fear of being told that I am not good enough.

Yesterday I was introduced to someone who was a “writer” and a “published author”. The moment this person heard that I gambled with words she turned away disinterested. Was that because she was better than me? Again, the cycle of doubts took over my mind.

Perhaps, it all started with the publishing of my first post when I started my blog way back in 2006! I had no fancy dreams of being a writer and my blog was supposed to help me grow as a person while I wrote about what made me happy and what did not. What was beautiful around me and what I could do to make the ugly just a little bit less ugly. Everything would have gone well had I not made the mistake of sharing the link of my blog with my social circle.

Titled “Chasing Stars”, my first post wondered about my generation’s expectations from life and why everybody was busy interfering in other people’s lives when they couldn’t sort out their own.  I expected encouragement and feedback from the people I called “friends”. But then, the reality was that apart from one person who said that she enjoyed what I had written, the other responses I received were on the lines of the following:

  • “Oh, well I don’t read content on the internet which is not directly related to Business studies!” said the guy who spent his time watching videos on YouTube.
  • The person who actually suggested I blog, didn’t even bother to open the link
  • Another warned me about writing anything that remotely resembled my personal or professional life
  • Others merely shrugged their shoulders when I asked them what they thought while some claimed that they had no time to read
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Image Courtesy: Email Forwards!

My confidence took a hit. I took down my post and it still lays buried somewhere in the archives! Later I took down the blog and made three more attempts before I finally settled down here! Also, I decided to stop caring. I needed to write – for ME!

And why I am talking about this now? Because personally, I feel that the first step for anybody that wants to write would be to accept their doubts and failures and find ways to move on. The process of writing is similar to the poster on the left and once we take the step to stop caring too much about what the world will think of our writing and write what makes us Faith will be establishedFaith in our own selves! And then hopefully, one day we will turn into the fearless writers that we should be.

Linking to #writingwednesdays hosted by Word Tribe

Moira


barathon“She will never find out!”, smiled Maitri to herself as she hid the family heirloom diamonds deep inside her personal locker at home. She was supposed to deliver the the precious stones to her younger sister Deeta.

Their older sister Lakhi, had taken on the onus of distributing the diamonds from their mother’s traditional nose ring between the siblings and she had entrusted Maitri to deliver the diamonds that were intended for Deeta. Never in a million years did Lakhi think that the diamonds would not be delivered or  that her own scatterbrained nature would work against her when Maitri declared that she had never been given any diamonds to pass on to their younger sister…

Maitri had always been jealous of the smarter and better looking younger sister. It also didn’t help that Deeta never bent to Maitri’s bullying when they were kids. Maitri had finally found a way to own something intended for Deeta.  In fact, she had plans to convert the diamond stones into earrings for her own daughter before suspicions could be raised within the family.

Life works in funny ways and late one evening, Maitri walked into her home that had been broken into.

“You have some wishful thinking!”, smiled an invisible Moira, as Maitri rushed into her bedroom and fainted on discovering that the thieves had  broken into her locker and had made away with everything in it.

Notes:

Moirai – The word origin for Moira per Dictionary.com is as follows:

“fem. proper name, one of the Fates, from Greek Moira, literally “share,fate,” related to moros “fate, destiny, doom,” meros “part, lot,” meiresthai “to receive one’s share”

I have used the meaning “to receive one’s share” for my fictional attempt above.

Per Wiki, “Moira may mean portion or share in the distribution of booty (“equal booty”), portion in life, lot, destiny, (“the immortals fixed the destiny”) death (“destiny of death”), portion of the distributed land., The word is also used for something which is meet and right (“according to fate, in order, rightly”)

Today’s Prompt: Wishful Thinking

 

Truant


barathonDid you hear about Sam, who was caught red-handed while he was at the movies during office hours?

Turned out that the director of the organization he worked for, had promised to take his son to the latest animated blockbuster currently showing in the city. He had taken a day off to fulfill his promise to his son and had run into Sam who was in his work attire complete with his office ID card along with his girlfriend buying tickets for the same movie!

The director was also a man who always did his homework and apparently Sam’s time sheets indicated that he had been working that day!

That was the end of Mr.Truant’s association with the organization!

Today’s prompt: Caught Red Handed

Arrogant Mondays!


I have been known to put up with a lot of personalities because I believe that nobody is perfect. The unnecessary rebels,  the ones lacking discipline, the uninitiated, the condescending types, the ones that believe that world revolves around them and many more…But then this morning I discovered that I drew the line at arrogance!

When it comes to getting your blood boiling there is nothing more pleasurable than driving in Chennai traffic where the Rajini wannabes would honk unnecessarily behind you as if you were Moses who could part the traffic like he did the sea, like magic or the cities Surya’s and Hansika’s who think they can can zip right and left without thinking, just so that it looks cool. Well, old stories you say?  Sure! But, what would you do if someone swipes you on the right because they were trying to overtake you and just didn’t think about the distance they needed to maintain between your car and theirs??  Nothing new again you might say! Ok. What if the person involved walked out of his car after checked out the damage and walked back into his car and settled down comfortably just because nothing disastrous has happened after he swiped your car? And all this even before I could get out of my car and check out the damage because someone has to pay caution to moving traffic!

Assuming that you are a decent driver and even better person than a driver, I am sure I got your attention.

All I want to know is that if it would be normal for me to teach my child that he can push anyone while playing football or basketball just as long as he can make the goal and the other person is not hurt?

Would it be normal,if someone knocked you over and then just walked away because you just have scratch and that it is not big deal because you don’t have to go to the doctor?

Or worse, would it be acceptable to all decent living human beings if I claim that the person who got hurt  is actually to blame because he got in my way while I was in rush for a meeting with the president or my date with the vegetable market???

I am not so sure, considering my parents did teach me how to apologise when I made a mistake!! How hard can it be huh?? I am sure that when said with sincerity a single word like “Sorry” would make a truck load of difference to the person who actually got hurt.

But apparently apologising is hard, especially to the educated lot with fancy jobs, cars and good control over the English language! The guy who swiped my car thought that it was perfectly normal and had the tenacity to declare “Look, I saw your car. Nothing has happened to it. Also you moved to the right!”.

The words that came out of my mouth next surprised me considering I had not wanted to argue ! Did he think that I was standing there for him to pay me? I am well educated and have a decent income and cars in my house, so he could take his money and stick it where the sun don’t shine!  All I wanted to know was how this person and a father of two could declare that the person who wanted to take a left turn was at fault when he had swiped us on the right? Logical right?

Then he declared “I don’t have time to argue, I need to drop my kids in school…they have exams”

Well now I had to talk considering I had a 3 year old in my car. I drew the line for being blamed for his fault especially considering that he did not have the audacity to apologise. How arrogant could you be to  think that you could just walk drive away??  Then his son chimed in declaring “Aunty, please we need to go to school!”. Now that did it!  By now I had lost all respect for this sophisticated wolf in a sheep’s disguise. So I said the meanest thing that I could say to a parent who was many years my senior.

“Please drop your kids in school, you are setting a wonderful example for them” and walked away just as he condescended to mutter a “Sorry” to my father while I muttered some expletives about men like him who were creating more arrogant youngsters for the bright future of our very tolerant country!

Now, I completely understand how Salman Khan can drive people dead on the streets and get away with it or why an Ambani kid can get away with anything or why I have no hope that the two drunk girls driving an Audi in the middle of the night can get away after crashing and killing an innocent man on the road. ARROGANCE!

I believe that it can never be acceptable to be arrogant no matter how big or small you are! And for those argumentative ones out there, please don’t start with how the chief minister is arrogant! I believe that we cannot change others, but can certainly start with ourselves as individuals!  I can try and make the change and teach my child the same…

I think it is about time, that we stop this “everything goes” attitude that has turned us into beings that are as bad as the ones we accuse! 

Am I being overzealous or upset beyond what is necessary? Let me know what you think.