Late last night, I read this interesting post about insecure writers or rather writers that suffer from an imposter syndrome. I realized that this definitely ailed me and that I was guilty of everything mentioned on the list! In fact, even as I write this I suffer from the said disease! The only difference is that these days I am trying my best to get over it and let me tell you it is the most difficult thing to do considering that even as I write this I wonder what the other “better” writers would think of my work?
It is funny because I did manage to get published as a part of an anthology. That time, a panel that had no idea about me had decided that I had a story to tell and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Those who read the story appreciated it. One of them even told me that it had a good plot and a wonderful twist while another appreciated the suspense element till the end of the story. Such feedback was music to my ears! But I could not shrug off that annoying voice that questioned me if I could do it again! Could I really tell a story? Also these days everyone is a writer, so how could I dare to infiltrate that sacred space?
It was around this time that I also read about the Insecure Writers Support Group and discovered that I was not alone when it came to having doubts about one’s writing. I also wondered what made us this way? For me, it is the fear of rejection, the fear of being told that I am not good enough.
Yesterday I was introduced to someone who was a “writer” and a “published author”. The moment this person heard that I gambled with words she turned away disinterested. Was that because she was better than me? Again, the cycle of doubts took over my mind.
Perhaps, it all started with the publishing of my first post when I started my blog way back in 2006! I had no fancy dreams of being a writer and my blog was supposed to help me grow as a person while I wrote about what made me happy and what did not. What was beautiful around me and what I could do to make the ugly just a little bit less ugly. Everything would have gone well had I not made the mistake of sharing the link of my blog with my social circle.
Titled “Chasing Stars”, my first post wondered about my generation’s expectations from life and why everybody was busy interfering in other people’s lives when they couldn’t sort out their own. I expected encouragement and feedback from the people I called “friends”. But then, the reality was that apart from one person who said that she enjoyed what I had written, the other responses I received were on the lines of the following:
- “Oh, well I don’t read content on the internet which is not directly related to Business studies!” said the guy who spent his time watching videos on YouTube.
- The person who actually suggested I blog, didn’t even bother to open the link
- Another warned me about writing anything that remotely resembled my personal or professional life
- Others merely shrugged their shoulders when I asked them what they thought while some claimed that they had no time to read
My confidence took a hit. I took down my post and it still lays buried somewhere in the archives! Later I took down the blog and made three more attempts before I finally settled down here! Also, I decided to stop caring. I needed to write – for ME!
And why I am talking about this now? Because personally, I feel that the first step for anybody that wants to write would be to accept their doubts and failures and find ways to move on. The process of writing is similar to the poster on the left and once we take the step to stop caring too much about what the world will think of our writing and write what makes us Faith will be established – Faith in our own selves! And then hopefully, one day we will turn into the fearless writers that we should be.
Linking to #writingwednesdays hosted by Word Tribe