Friends – I am finally going to disclose this to the entire world – I have no luck when it comes to making GOOD friends! Considering my fair share of users, manipulators and ditchers, I don’t believe in the concept of BFFs or the fact that there are friends who would do anything for you! I believe in Pooh and his friends, the bond between Calvin and Hobbes and the trio from the Harry Potter series but then I am yet to find that “true” friend.
Now that I have said that, I do have about 2-3 friends, those that I have managed to stay in touch with, despite distances, career and job changes, motherhood and more. I have truck loads of respect for these guys and I know that I can call them any day and speak to them as if we have always been together. I don’t know how I managed to pull this off in my life and quite frankly I am afraid I am going to jinx it, now that I said it. But all said and done, we are not even on the same time zone together and nothing has ever happened to threaten our friendships, so maybe its just easier being friends with these guys.
Growing up, I wondered what I did wrong. “Friends” who hung out with me for years having a good time, expecting me to listen to their problems and help them out when they needed something, vanished when it seemed like I was getting ahead of them or when I needed a confidante. Suddenly I was brash, outspoken, snobbish, opinionated etc., qualities that had never been an issue before…it was strange and confusing at the same time!
I decided that I didn’t need these kind of friends and envisioned floating through life meeting people and not really forming any attachments of any kind – especially when it came to friendships! As I type this post, I wonder what was different about the folks that I still keep in touch with and then it hit me: they accepted me for me! They never found fault with who I was or tried to change me to be their kind of friend! Now, isn’t that an eye opener??? Rather than changing me, they have helped me become a better person via their thoughts, deeds and actions.
Now, I am older and wiser (I think) and slightly better in recognizing potential friends and mere acquaintances! I can differentiate between those that would come to me when they need something vis a vis those that can hold my hand during hard times. Some may call me skeptical but then different strokes for different folks.
I have also realized that getting to this stage has been a gradual process. I no longer harbor hard feelings for those that have been in my life before and am not overtly concerned about the size of my contact lists. Because I truly believe that when it comes to friendships quality matters than quantity.
On that note, some words for the little one: To be a good friend you should be a good listener, at the same time you your friend should also listen to you when you talk. If you have a misunderstanding with your friend, talk it over and sort it out. No point in ignoring each other for a few days and then getting back together as if nothing happened – this will only widen your rift. If you feel you have given a friend enough opportunities to understand their true intentions and it still doesn’t work out, you need to stop, because friendship is all about respect and trust and the moment either one of these has cracked you need to move on. You will be a better person and so will your “acquaintance”. And I hope and pray that you make better friends that me 🙂
Some definitions for the word “Friend” from dictionary.com:
Written as a part of the A-Z Blogging Challenge 2015