If Chennai was human……….

Publishing this post that I started writing for a contest..But I never finished it so did not submit it 😦  Well the idea was to humanify the city where you live and write a fictional tale featuring this person! Unfortunately for me, I did not read the instructions properly and thought that the contest was just about describing the city as a human and not creating a story around it! **Face palm** This sort of behavior has become typical of me since having a baby and thinking about the baby 24*7 🙂

Anyways I realized this a few days before the contest ended but never got anywhere with the story because I just couldn’t come up with one! Seems I am blocked[my mind that is] as usual. So I have decided that going forward I will write as much as I can and keep posting it out here. I will write about various subjects..the idea is to just keep writing! Apologies in advance if any of you following this blog find this a tad boring, considering that this space predominantly had only book reviews and art and not so much other aspects of my life or life around me ; in other words the blog doesn’t really seem muddled up but very organized and that hardly describes my dreams or thoughts or the struggle between my reality and my dreams! Know what I mean?. But I hope you continue to stop here every now and then and even drop a line for me about what you think.

Cutting to the subject of my post, here is what I came up with. Any thoughts??

If the city of Chennai were human, he would be an average middle age citizen suffering from a multiple personality disorder! He would perform his prayers in the morning in the most pious manner, tuck into his curd rice and pickle with great zeal, while chilling out with friends at a pub over pints of beer, chicken wings and cigarettes on Saturday evenings. He could be a dad to two young kids, but will try to fit himself into his college jeans while going out so like “Kollywoods” popular matinee idols. Did I mention that he would never loose an opportunity to play street cricket?

In most cases he would expect that his wife and his friends wives to be dressed modestly and demurely and act homely while also appreciating the actresses on TV that look haute and ogle and flirt with the girls that look chic like the states politicians! He’d be a star amongst his friends, give great personal and professional ideas and suggestions but would analyze the idea to the last bit before implementing the same in his life. He would have no qualms about talking on the phone while driving or jumping that red light but will play the role of an innocent when pulled over by a cop and actually get away with it.

He would go through phases where he would make plans of giving up his mundane and monotonous existence to change the world and make difference and give back to society before going back to his mundane existence in a matter of few minutes like the crowds of professionals that throng the IT corridors and other posh office complexes, cussing the burgeoning traffic monster using the choicest words of the local slang, while smoothly switching over to English in a fake and ever ready to please accent as they release the mute feature on their fancy phones to participate in important conference calls and take decisions that could impact the industries of other nations.

In 9 out of 10 cases, the said citizen would be living in a joint family where an average day would begin with idlis, “Modern” bread and cereals competing at the breakfast table and end with a fight over what to watch on TV while the dinner table is filled with food, mostly rice and the relevant accompaniments with the occasional noodles or pasta. The chances of any dinner time conversations (that he would not be interested in, anyway) would be virtually impossible as the family focuses on the TV and begins the saga of fighting for the control of the remote. His life would be pretty similar to the soap that the oldies would want to watch, while his children fight for the cartoon network, his wife for the food network while he would prefer ESPN!

In the midst of all this, he would try to remain zen and plonk down with his laptop. His ability to multitask as he tries to appease his wife for not eating her lasagna while he wolfs down his mothers sambar, responds to work and personal emails, takes telephone calls while also managing to watch ESPN in the midst of dinner time craziness. All of this can only be paralleled by his ability to delegate any task that he may not be interested in doing, which is pretty much everything as he sits back and observes the madness like a traffic cop!

If a psychiatrist were to diagnose this person, they would be stunned by the ability of this person to manage so many roles, go through multiple emotions and manage each every face of his personality in a way that it does not interfere with his normal life. Folks, streaming in from the other parts of the country would worry or even look down upon him and his perceived orthodox ways before they try to be friends with him and soon find themselves falling for his ways. Then they would understand that his personality is nothing short of the famed “Hotel California” where one could check in but never leave! You would love to hate him, maybe even hate him, but would have trouble leaving him…..


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